I loved the movie Animal House. Even as the image it presented of Greek life on campus is by all accounts objectively horrific I must admit it was the one I hoped to personally experience the most. Not the failing grades or that double-secret probation business but the lunatic kind of fun they seemed to have.

And yet even as Otter and Boon wreaked their hilarious havoc there was one part of the lunacy I was never able to fully embrace. For some it’s one of the most iconic moments ever captured on film. For me, not so much. It starts simple enough with John Belushi (or Bluto Blutarsky if you prefer) bellowing the words that cause cafeteria janitors world-wide to pinch their buttocks tight: Food Fight!!! The results were predictable enough but even as everyone on film was laughing and loving the insanity I just couldn’t stomach the idea of it. The whole notion of chucking food all willy-nilly never sat all that well with me. It might be due to my preference of eating food rather than throwing it but somehow pitching food around seemed wrong.

I do have kids now and I’ve had to clean up food that goes everywhere but in the mouth of the intended but still. There is something about food that to me seems slightly sacred. A beef cow died (and quite horribly I am told) so that my hamburger could be made. The least I can do to show my appreciation for the sacrifice made is to eat it, right?

But as certain as I am in my disdain for flying food I have still developed quite a thing for the Premium Plus ad that’s getting some serious re-runs on the tube these days. They showcase the coolest soup explosions I think I’ve ever seen and I am almost ashamed to admit how much I enjoy it.

One has to recognize that crackers are pretty friggen hard to sell. I mean, it’s a cracker –not the main event. Crackers are holders, they’re used to prop up other foods. Even the dip is more exciting than the cracker. The cracker is a delivery system – nothing more and when it comes to crackers darn few are more painfully boring than lame-o Premium Plus ones.

Not any more. The Premium Plus commercial starts out with a top down shot of a white bowl containing tomato soup as a Premium Plus cracker falls in slow motion toward it. The song “Celebration” (as performed by Rare Earth) plays in the background. The first surprise is the cracker hitting the soup with a force that suggests it’s made of lead vs. a crumbly concoction of flour and water. The wave formed by the splash is stunning, and very nearly surfable.

The spot rolls on with a thermos cup’s geyser-like explosion and then on to a couple of cafeteria soups in yellow and green. Another bowl erupts with a red explosion on a counter just as several office cubicles serve as the background for a mess of peek-a-boo flare-ups shooting multi-colored soup high in the air. Next we hit a diner where a string of bowls laid out on the counter explode in turn, each thrusting their soup skyward, just as tiny crackers land on their surfaces. The commercial closes off with a product shot surrounded by a medley of cracker-induced soup bowl pyrotechnics. Awesome.

Food-focused fireworks were not something I expected to like but the fact that I never actually saw anything hit the ground or counter may have helped a lot. To have so much soup flying around and none of it ever hitting the table once likely made all the difference.

Crackers are boring but Premium Plus took that image head on and, with a little help from their buddy the bowl of soup, showed that when it comes to excitement at lunch they’re the guys you want to see. I can’t disagree with that and I must confess that it took all my self-control the other night to keep from attempting a little soup bowl explosion of my own. Maybe Premium Plus could offer an Animal House tie-in of some kind. Maybe a run of double-secret probation crackers or something? I believe Bluto would approve.

Almost everybody likes to sing whether they admit to it or not. There is nothing as seemingly universal as humanity’s collective desire to burst into song when they’re really, truly happy. Spend any amount of time with little kids and you’ll see that when they are totally content they will sing out happily. For that matter, watch a crowd of soccer hooligans. They’ll do pretty much the same thing too.

Still, as most of us get older something happens. Unless we are gifted with a particularly stellar voice we slam our traps shut tight, cracking them only for obligatory renditions of “Happy Birthday” or other crowd-sung songs. We’d like to sing, but fear of ridicule shuts us down so we limit ourselves to shower concerts or singing at speed (such as behind the wheel, doing ninety).

Enter karaoke. Now, the Japanese obsession with karaoke is fairly well documented. For a society that appears so focused on discipline and emotional control, a pastime that demands the heartfelt release of one’s inner feelings would appear contradictory. It isn’t. I think it’s a communal recognition of a need to cut loose and let something, anything, hang out. You see, we need to sing if for no other reason than to free our hearts just a little.

Personally, I am a closet singer. I would love to be able to sing, but alas I cannot carry a tune in a basket. I had never before considered karaoke out of a palpable fear of making an ass of myself. Still, one night long ago I ginned up (literally) my courage and faced a small, disinterested crowd at a local pub to offer my version of John Denver’s “Take Me Home Country Roads”.

Now, while I was more than familiar with the chorus (as is everyone over the age of thirty), I neglected to realize that I didn’t have a clue as to how the rest of the damn song went. Forget the lyrics – I didn’t even know the melody for a good sixty percent of the song.

Mercifully, it ended and just as I took my seat the DJ came to our table and addressed my friends – not me – and informed them that it was time to take me home, and that I was officially banned from their karaoke machine. Feigning indifference but in actuality humiliated beyond belief, I headed out and have not considered trying again since. Fear is one thing, but actual rejection cuts like a knife.

Then I saw an ad for a game on the Xbox 360. It’s a commercial for their new in-home karaoke game called Lips. The ad is brilliant in its simplicity. We follow a small pair of lips supported by nothing more than a thick little set of legs walking along through a forest singing a cappella. The song he is singing is “Take On Me” by A-Ha, which has to be just about the perfect song. I would bet that everyone who has ever heard this little number has sung along to it at least once.

Our little lips truck along various highways and byways, through a construction site, in the rain, walking and singing – sometimes on lyric and often not, but honestly singing in and out of tune. As he gets closer to a house the actual “Take On Me” music starts to play up. And as the little lips enter the house party and walk on to the shoulder of a young man sitting on a couch he energizes the man, who stands, grabs a microphone and commences singing along to the Xbox karaoke playing on the TV. Man and lips, singing as one.

The little lips weren’t perfect – just happy and content – and as they walked along singing in all his imperfections I somehow saw myself there too. If he could do it, maybe I could too. Maybe these little lips could bring me some peace from my evening of long ago. And guess what? I checked – Lips even offers “Take Me Home Country Roads” in its playlist. Coincidence? I think not. Do-re-mi or bust.

It’s pretty easy to get cynical about advertising. No matter how creative, flash or even drop-dead amazing an ad might be it always contains an ulterior motive that remains painfully obvious: it was designed to sell something. That fact alone is enough to ruin any good qualities it may have for many who view it. Thanks to this inherent duality most people tend to skip commercials – or just get cranky at being constantly bombarded by them.

Even still, every once in a while there is an ad that simply cannot be tainted no matter what overall motive is at work. The purity of emotion such special cases offer is just so clean and straightforward that there is no denying that something special is happening.

The Discovery Channel has a pretty interesting lineup of shows – so much so that even national public radio snobs who claim to never watch something as lowbrow as television will admit to watching the Discovery Channel. I guess they figure it’s intellectual enough to justify risking their cultural bonifides. That is kind of funny when you realize that as a network The Discovery Channel is a pretty big net contributor to the ever-sprouting hydra known as reality television. It may not have Joe Millionaire but they are kissin’ cousins.

Whatever Discovery Channel’s sins may or may not be they have an ad that is running right now that just makes me smile so wide I can’t believe it. While at its heart the spot is no more than an extended promo for their overall show selection and their stable of homegrown stars it’s in reality so much more than just a simple song set to the familiar campfire tune I Love the Mountains.

The spot opens on two astronauts floating in deep space above the earth. As they hover and bank about slowly the two co-workers chat amiably about the view.

Astronaut #1: “It never gets old, huh?”
Astronaut #2: “Nope.”
Astronaut #1: “It kinda makes you want to….”
Astronaut #2: “Break into song?”
Astronaut #1: “Yep.”

And then, as is traditional in musical theatre, they sing…..

“I love the mountains, I love the clear blue skies,
I love big bridges, I love when great whites fly,
I love the whole world and all its sights and sounds
Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada

I love the oceans, I love real dirty things,
I love to go fast, I love Egyptian kings
I love the whole world and all its craziness
Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada
I love tornadoes, I love arachnids,
I love hot magma, I love the giant squids
I love the whole world, It’s such a brilliant place
Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada
Boom-de-yada, Boom-de-yada……..”

By this point we full-circle all the way back to our two space-walking astronauts just as the Discovery Channel tagline appears: “The world is just awesome.”

Yeah, it really is.

This ad is tremendous. The song is sung by a whole bunch of different voices singing each line and then blending them all together. Most of the parts are sung by the various stars of the many high-profile Discovery Channel properties like Shark Week, Survivorman, Deadliest Catch, Man vs. Wild, Dirty Jobs, Future Weapons, Mythbusters, etc.

It’s almost perfect in its sing-a-long simplicity. In such a profound yet basic way their diddy gets inside your head and repeats over and over why the world is so awesome and why The Discovery Channel may be too.

Often, it’s more fun tearing into bad campaigns but when one is as on the money as this you just have to sit up and take notice. Literally, I get goose bumps whenever I catch a run of this ad. It may have been released back in April but the song is so optimistic and appreciative of everything we’ve got going on way down here on Planet Earth that you can’t help but love it. And really, I can think of no better way to evoke a sincerely appreciative tone towards the world we know. Well, okay, maybe one. Merry Christmas.

I’m not a coffee guy. I never drink the stuff. I don’t need it to function and I am fairly sure I never will. Coffee just never did anything for me. I will admit to having a slight issue with folks who claim they cannot communicate unless they’ve had a cup of the stuff, but I guess there are worse things to be chemically dependent on. Coffee itself makes no real difference in my life. It’s what a few folks in Seattle have done with selling it that rubs me the wrong way.

Long considered a sort of everyman staple, coffee was the one thing on the menu you could order with next to nothing in your pocket. Starbucks changed all that, making coffee into a luxury item while somehow remaining a staple.

I admit it was masterful. The exotic décor, the unfamiliar sizing (grande, tall, venti) and even the re-branded servers (baristas). They sold the sizzle and I would be remiss in not appreciating that. Still, I have never been able to stomach the whole elitist attitude actually being sold to all who willingly participated in their cult of caffeine.

No matter. They sprouted locations like weeds and soon had stores everywhere (even across the street from each other). But with growth that attitude just got worse and worse. The protocols you were expected to know when ordering became more intimidating and the smirks more evident when you muffed them. Don’t know the difference between a grande and a tall? Hide your head in shame as the true believers in line behind you titter at the Philistine dumb enough to enter their midst.

Maybe I’m overstating it, but the sense of superiority that literally drips from every Starbucks I have ever entered just turns my stomach. They made coffee addiction socially acceptable and then juiced it further by making it expensive too. How could people fall for this? Why can’t they see? Would the time ever come that coffee might return to earth?

McDonald’s is on something of an upswing these days thanks to tough economic times. Interestingly, they have decided to take on Starbucks and this time they might actually have a chance at winning. They recently took out a billboard directly across from Starbucks headquarters in Seattle – one that Starbucks employees had to drive past every day – that says “Four bucks is dumb.” It also lets you know that McDonald’s sells espresso. In a word - perfect.

Their new campaign even has a website (www.unsnobbycoffee.com) designed to assist in interventions for those so trapped in coffee vanity they cannot escape. And these days justifying over-priced coffee is getting harder and harder. I do think that it’s hilarious for a multi-national conglomerate like Mickie D’s to act like the underdog in this particular dust-up but they actually are. McDonald’s may be a lot of things, but they have never played the pretentious snob card. They were always happy to see you no matter what. Starbucks, not so much.

Starbucks claims it’s taking the high road with regards to the McDonald’s attack on them, claiming their customers are “different” and don’t engage in such things. Could they have offered a response more toffee-nosed? That was the whole point. They are a bunch of elitist toadstools that dislike mixing with the rest of us. That may have worked when times were great but with world-wide markets crashing folks are re-evaluating everything.

In reality, McDonald’s coffee offerings are not all that much cheaper than what you can get at Starbucks, but that’s not the game here. The attack is taking aim at those Seattle suck ups for making coffee so high-falutin and fabulous that normal folks are feeling left out. Whatever happened to Juan Valdez? Now there was a humble little guy, walking around with his donkey picking coffee beans for us all. He’s the kind of image I can get behind.

Will folks realize the truth and abandon the Starbucks siren? Maybe a few, but many will doggedly keep the faith. For me it’s just kind of fun to finally see the air being let out of this particular vanity balloon. But what do I know anyway? I’m not a coffee guy.